It appears that Paul, the recently retired ‘psychic’ World Cup octopus, has been awarded a cup of his own. Paul’s owners at the Sea Life Aquarium in Oberhausen, Germany, have given him a trophy filled with mussels as a reward for predicting successfully all of Germany’s results in the 2010 World Cup, and the winner of the final, by picking mussels or oysters out of a jar marked with a competing country’s flag.

Paul’s 100% record in the World Cup has made him a worldwide celebrity. However, he didn’t go down too well with fans of teams that he predicted to lose: his tip that Argentina would lose to Germany caused an Argentinean chef to post an octopus recipe on Facebook, whilst German fans sent Paul death threats when he picked Spain to win their semi-final. (He’s lucky he didn’t have to pick a bad result for South Korea; otherwise, this fate might have befallen him.)

Although he lives in Germany, Paul was actually born in an aquarium in Weymouth. You can tell what a desperate state of affairs the English national team is in when the most successful English appearance during the World Cup came from an eight-armed, aquatic cephalopod (which, despite being an invertebrate, still had more backbone than all of the England team combined).

Paul Bovey

As the 2010 World Cup kicks off (and as the tabloids kick-start the England hype machine into full effect), the excellent footy site Midfield Dynamo has created some tongue-in-cheek World Cup ‘I spy’-style bingo cards to accompany the matches.

My particular favourite has to be number 11: “Gareth Southgate saying the word ‘obviously’ three times in one comment.”

Before the 1982 World Cup, England manager Ron Greenwood had a dilemma: who, between Peter Shilton and Ray Clemence, would be his number one goalkeeper in the forthcoming tournament?

Many commentators criticized him for his indecisiveness, but how much would Fabio Capello give to have such a luxurious dilemma? A dilemma between two brilliant, consistent keepers, proven at international level, each with at least two European Cup trophies to their name with their respective clubs. It just highlights the current dearth of world class keepers available for Capello in the run up to next year’s World Cup, a situation that The Mirror’s Martin Lipton has prophesised may turn out to be England’s ‘Achilles heel’.

Out of the current crop, David James seems to be the more preferable option for the number one position, although, at 39, his age indicates that he’s not a long-term prospect. He’s still a good shot-stopper, but his occasion blunders (remember Austria in 2004?) have seen him yo-yo in and out of favour on numerous occasions. He’s certainly a much improved player from ‘Calamity James’, the nickname he earned at Liverpool, but his lack of consistency has never seen him make that number one shirt his own, despite nearly 50 caps.

Robert Green’s sending off against Ukraine in the World Cup qualifier, which gave him the dubious record of being the first ever England goalkeeper to receive a red card, was unfortunate, but this shouldn’t dent his confidence too much. He made some good saves in the 5-1 defeat of Croatia and although he’s had little international experience compared to James, he’s arguably the most consistent England keeper at club level, despite West Ham’s struggle in the league. A good Premiership campaign to curb his team from relegation may do his cause the world of good.

So, James and Green look like current favourites to go the World Cup next year but when you start to look for a third choice, it’s not so clear-cut. Paul Robinson seems to have overcome his descent in form to put in some solid performances for Blackburn, while Ben Foster’s chances remain slim as second choice to Edwin van der Sar at Manchester United.

Manchester City’s Joe Hart has received praise from Capello but some commentators feel this World Cup has come ‘too soon’ for him. Scott Carson has overcome his howler against Croatia in the Euro 2008 qualifier but, like Green, Hart, Foster and Wigan’s Chris Kirkland, he’s yet to gain much international experience.

As is the case with outfield players, the lack of outstanding English goalkeepers is being attributed by some commentators to the influx of foreign players in the English league. Certainly, the top teams at the time of writing all have foreign first-choice keepers: van der Sar (Manchester United), ?ech (Chelsea), Cudicini (Spurs), Almunia (Arsenal) and Given (Manchester City), but surely that doesn’t explain the fact that England can’t produce at least one outstanding goalkeeper? We used to be renowned for it.

It’s something we’re in desperate need of; a solid back line can only improve if it has the confidence of a reliable goalkeeper between the sticks. The performances of the English goalkeepers for the remainder of this season will be keenly observed by Capello and Italo Galbiati. With a World Cup place to play for, the post of England number one is still very much in the players’ own hands.

Paul Bovey

Ashley Cole and Jermain Defoe

Over the past weekend I watched two sporting events, Englands world cup qualifier against Kazakhstan and the F1 Grand Prix in Japan. Before both actual main events, as can often be the case, optimism was high on a positive result for both.

Starting with the football, after an impressive display against Croatia I was once again lulled into the belief that England might be able to play well again. I was of course not taking into the account of Britishness in sport. Consistency is never a word that can be associated with it. So once again, against a tiny footballing country we struggled. The first half was poor to say the least. The attacking spirit and flair shown against Croatia a distant memory. The second half fortunately was much better, and the end result good but it took a while to get there. Not forgetting conceding a goal as well in a typically characteristic Dennis Nordon style “cock up” as Ashley Cole felt charitable and gave the ball away cheaply to say the least. Fortunately by this time Capello was finally seeing some sense and changing the formation of the team. Wingers, who would have thought we needed them. I have no idea why we needed 4 defenders and a defensive midfielder against Kazakhstan. As soon as we had some players on who could cross the ball it was game over. And so game the third, fourth and fifth goals and we could all relax again. It wouldn’t be British not to make us sweat a bit first.

Next up was the grand prix with Britains Lewis Hamilton qualifying on pole. He doesn’t need to win, just be sensible and keep at the front of the pack. However he has a chance to win and comes over all British, a la Henman and makes a complete balls up by trying to be too clever. The goal is within touching distance yet as is often the case with British sport pressure gets the better and it all goes tits up. Once again, what could have been an easy and dominant stroll into the final few races, winning in style will now be a high pressure situation where you are waiting for him to make a mistake again. I hope he holds his nerve and learns from his foolishness, but I’m not expecting easy viewing for the next two races.

Thank god for the Olympic teams is all I can say, I think the above sportsmen should be made to sit down and watch the passion and commitment of them. Be proud to represent you country, be confident, and win in style.

Si